• FidoGazette Vol 13 no 35 Page: 3

    From Janis Kracht@1:261/38 to All on Thursday, August 29, 2019 00:15:50
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    H U M O R
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    Thanks to Vince Coen, 2:250/1 for this one :)

    Vince says, "I don't think I will try any of these :)"

    :)


    RETIRED HUSBAND

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
    trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found
    shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
    unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the
    local WalMart:

    Dear Mrs. Harris:

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
    commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and
    have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

    Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed
    below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
    other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
    5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
    to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This
    caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a
    reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union
    grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the
    company money. We don't have a Code 3.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
    M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
    area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
    the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
    pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty
    children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
    EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
    it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
    he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while,
    loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his,
    'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
    he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
    VOICES AGAIN!'

    15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where
    is the fitting room?

    And last, but not least:

    16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper
    in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

    If you don't send this to your dearest friends; You will be
    depriving them of some good humor.


    FIDOGAZETTE Vol 13 No 35 Page 3 August 28th, 2019


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    --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-4
    * Origin: Prism bbs (1:261/38)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to JANIS KRACHT on Saturday, August 31, 2019 12:11:00
    Janis,

    Thanks to Vince Coen, 2:250/1 for this one :)

    Vince says, "I don't think I will try any of these :)"

    I think I may go shopping elsewhere. <G>

    Daryl

    ===
    OLX 1.53 Chocolate lovers 12 step plan: < 12 steps from chocolate.
    --- SBBSecho 3.08-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)
  • From Janis Kracht@1:261/38 to Daryl Stout on Sunday, September 01, 2019 10:33:52
    Hi Daryl,

    Thanks to Vince Coen, 2:250/1 for this one :)

    Vince says, "I don't think I will try any of these :)"

    I think I may go shopping elsewhere. <G>

    Probably a good idea <grin>

    # OLX 1.53 # Chocolate lovers 12 step plan: < 12 steps from chocolate.

    Love that one :)

    Take care,
    Janis

    --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-4
    * Origin: Prism bbs (1:261/38)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to JANIS KRACHT on Monday, September 02, 2019 12:55:00
    Hi Daryl,

    Hi, Janis...

    Vince says, "I don't think I will try any of these :)"

    I think I may go shopping elsewhere. <G>

    Probably a good idea <grin>

    You see everything under the sun at Wal-Mart. I think of ventriloquist
    Todd Oliver, who uses his Boston Terrier, Irving, in his act. He has a
    device on him, which has been approved by the SPCA, with Todd
    controlling it. But, it looks like the dog is talking.

    Anyway, Irving is a Wal-Mart greeter. <G> But, he had at least 3
    recent errors. When a shopper came in, Irving first said "Welcome To Wal-Mart"...tben...

    1) Mouthwash Aisle 3
    2) Deodorant Aisle 9

    When a lady came in wanting some (panty) hose, Irving said Gardening
    Aisle 12. <G>

    # OLX 1.53 # Chocolate lovers 12 step plan: < 12 steps from chocolate.

    Love that one :)

    Never mind Bart Simpson with, "Oooo...Donuts!!". <G>

    Speaking of which, one of the doors on the BBS is called Donuts. It's
    a brain teaser (open to all users), where it starts with a simple and
    quick chat window with the Sysop and the user, inviting the user over
    for coffee and donuts. They draw a card, and the high card goes first.

    You have 5 plates of donuts of different varieties...5 on plate 1, 4
    on plate 2, 3 on plate 3, 2 on plate 4, and 1 on plate 5. The object is
    to make the Sysop eat the last donut...but it's not as easy as it
    sounds!! I've been the "piggy" more times than I care to admit. <G>

    I could go for a half dozen chocolate iced donuts and a Diet Doctor
    Pepper right now. <G> The Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Donuts outlets in west
    Little Rock closed, but there are still several Shipley's Donuts
    facilities in town.

    Daryl

    ===
    OLX 1.53 I have a rock garden. Last week, 3 of them died.
    --- SBBSecho 3.08-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)