Operating System Beer
From Daryl Stout
@1:19/33 to All
on Monday, September 07, 2020 00:06:47
Shamefully stolen from the back of Dec 1995 Personal Computer World.
Requires you to use your own can opener and that you read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an
8oz can, but now comes in a 16oz can. The can is divided into eight compartments of 2oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to
be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it
after it's no longer available.
At first only in a 16oz can, but now comes in a 32oz can. Considered by
many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take
one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the
can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you
don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your
empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer
The worlds most popular beer. Comes in a 16oz can that looks a lot like
Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims it allows
you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but really you can only
drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking
the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a
can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
Comes in a 32oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too,
but somewhat slower. Advertises that the cans won't explode when you
open them, even if you shake them up. You never see anyone drinking OS/2
Beer, but the manufacture (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that
9 million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer
Only just out, Windows 95 Beer looks a lot like Mac Beer but tastes more
like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32oz cans, but when you look inside,
the cans only have 16oz beer in them. Most people will probably keep
drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and
say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small
print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS Beer, even
though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer
Comes in 32oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The
can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to
change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's. Touted as
"industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
--- SBBSecho 3.11-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)