• Several Puns

    From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Friday, September 25, 2020 00:06:42
    Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoon's. The stewardess looks at them and says "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger".

    Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth
    orbit? They called it the herd shot round the world.

    Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
    became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
    never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
    lesser of two weevils.

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
    the craft, it sank - proving once and for all that you can't have your
    kayak and heat it, too.

    A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
    the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during
    root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
    the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
    hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
    why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chessnuts boasting in an open foyer."

    There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

    A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
    family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
    they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
    mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
    also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

    These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
    small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
    from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
    was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
    He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked
    his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They
    ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
    and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up
    the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
    close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and
    only Hugh,can prevent florist friars.
    --- SBBSecho 3.11-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)